Mothering Bumps and Broken Bones
Serena:
Serena excelled in grade school, she was well-liked by her teachers and classmates. Her sunny personality was a joy to be around. But she compared herself to two of her “smart friends." It was years later she learned she wasn’t dumb she had test anxiety.
She loved to play volleyball. Even though she was a beginner, it was painful for me to watch. I didn’t want her feelings to hurt if she missed volleys or had a bad serve. But it didn’t occur to me to encourage her or say, “You’re learning, you’ll get it, practice helps keep trying.” So she quit. She was an athlete, she just had to find the right sports. When it comes to running, riding bikes and CrossFit, she excelled.
The youth group leaders at our church went to a conference to learn about the dynamics when your child enters their teenage years. They invited the parents to a meeting so they could share what they learned. The leaders said during their teenage years parents might find children unwilling to hang out with us or feel embarrassed when parents want them to stay close, be it physically and emotionally. It was helpful to know being rejected by our teenage children wasn't about me, but rather was their desire to become more independent. This helped Dave and I understand the process of Serena and Doug becoming “almost adults,” so that it happened more gracefully for all four of us.
One of those times when I could have felt rejected came when I went to pick Serena up from high school. She asked me to park my car away from where the students were waiting for the bus. Not even in the student parking lot, but at the opposite end of the campus. I realized she was embarrassed, in part, I knew why this was happening but one day I confronted her. I told her we had a new car, it was not like the Hudson my mom drove to pick me up at school. I said I was wearing clean clothes, not like the grease-stained ones my mom wore. After that Serena understood my perspective and I then waited for her in front of the high school campus student parking lot. It was the day she asked if she could wear pantyhose that I quickly realized I wasn’t the only woman in our house.
Doug:
From the time Doug was a baby he had a love affair with tools, wheels and ball bearings. Later he moved on to skateboards. He quickly learned to balance on one and he found them simple, fast, and fun. It wasn't long before he learned to execute technical jumps.
To support his passion Dave and Doug built a half-pipe, a ramp in our backyard. These were wavy wooden structures for him to skate up and down on and do crazy tricks. It took them a year to build it. The ramp looked benign but it wasn’t. The thrills came with added speed, but so did bruises and broken bones. Dave and I were happy that our home was where Doug’s friends could come and have good, clean fun.
Sometimes Doug liked skateboarding at Stewart Park. One day after school he got in a fight with a kid and he bit Doug on his scalp. I took him to get stitches and a tetanus shot because the doctor said a bite like that could easily get infected. I told Doug that was the only time he could get in a fight. The next trip to urgent care was for a broken arm. The sport was getting expensive. I was sad I had to make it about just money, rather than him getting hurt.
In good humor, I told him that the next visit to urgent care he would have to pay for it. Sure enough, he was injured again; he was skateboarding in the parking lot at the YMCA when he jumped over a concrete divider used to separate parked cars. His skateboard hit the bump wrong and he landed hard on his left leg, twisting his ankle at a crazy angle. A friend of ours drove by and gave him a ride to the hospital. She asked him which of the two he would like to go to and he said, “The cheapest one.” I met him in the emergency room and we found he had broken his ankle. It required surgery to repair the damage. Obviously he couldn’t pay for a surgery, plus the several days in the hospital and thankfully we had good insurance.
He also enjoyed soccer and since running was an important part of soccer. One day Doug and a friend were running in order to keep in shape for the practices and games along Stephens street which was close to Abby’s Pizza. Stopped at the cross street of Stephens and Alameda Avenue, was a pickup full of guys who were obviously drunk. The guys in the truck started yelling using foul language and rude gestures and harassing Doug and his friend. Doug gestured “kiss my butt.” That really escalated things. The pickup swerved into Abby’s parking lot and a guy with his arm in a cast jumped out of the pickup bed and came running after them. If he caught one of the boys they could have been hit by the hard heavy cast. Fortunately, Doug and his friend got rid of them by running into the pizza restaurant. Good thing because that could have been a very bad ending.
Doug kept skateboarding though and Dave and I knew he would be extra careful. When Doug was a newlywed, he and a friend named Roy, who was a Sheriff, hosted a "Skateboard Church," in an available warehouse, free of charge. The passion for any sport can facilitate the opportunity to be able to share the story of Jesus and could give a lonely child the ability to feel included in the group.
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