Kids' Cars and College
I always thought that Dave would be the one to teach our kids to drive. He is steady, calm and very safety oriented but me; not so much. But as it worked out, the perfect time for the kids to practice was driving back and forth to school. Riding in the passenger seat would brace my arms against the dashboard as though we were going to be in an accident, of course, that made them nervous. Then we were all nervous. I had to get over being a backseat driver so they could gain the confidence needed to learn while they had their permits. One positive thing was that it gave each child and I one-on-one talk time.
After Serena got her driver’s license her first solo drive was to pick up a pizza for our dinner. She was away longer than I expected. She enjoyed her new independence and had taken the long way home. Nonetheless, I was relieved when she got her license, it meant less running around for me. However, when Doug got his license, I cried. He didn’t see me do it, but I realized our one-on-one time was ending. It was hard to let go of that special time. It’s true that we sometimes we don’t know what we have until it’s gone. For their sixteenth birthdays, we bought Serena and Doug their first cars. The stipulations were they had to pay for their car insurance and gas.
Dave and I found a used car for sale in the newspaper for Serena. Dave and I felt it was a good buy, it had good maintenance records but the car was a dull brown. We bought it and took it home for her approval. What we didn’t know was that the prior owners smoked marijuana in it. That wasn’t a smell that was familiar to us. Dave drove it home to show her our proud purchase. She balked at the color and she wouldn’t drive that smelly, ugly car. We sold it and found her snappy silver-colored Honda. That time we took her with us.
Prior to us buying Doug a car he drove his dad’s pickup to school. It was brown, ugly, and had a split on the dashboard, he put a plastic dinosaur in it. Doug called the truck, “The Brown Turd.” He’d struck up a friendship with a girl named Joy and he drove them to McDonald’s for lunch during the school year. It was the beginning of a lifelong romance.
When the kids were in high school, they cleaned the hair salon every evening except Sunday. It allowed them to earn money for their car expenses in addition to some spending money. It was a good arrangement and a way for them to learn about having a plan, stewardship, and living within a budget. These were good lessons to learn while they were still living at home and before they were out in the real world.
After graduating from high school Serena went to Lane Community College in Eugene to get a degree as a Legal Secretary. She lived in a co-ed boarding house called House of His Presence, owned by the large local Foursquare Church. Living there was a perfect fit for her, she made some lifelong friends one of whom she would come to need much later in life. She started dating a young man who also lived in the boarding house. They loved to go on long walks to get better acquainted. But two months into their relationship he broke up with Serena without any explanation why. She was devastated, and it was uncomfortable having to live in the same place as him so Serena came home most weekends. It was hard to see her so heartbroken but, I was glad she found comfort in being home.
When she graduated with her associate’s degree, she eventually landed a job with a prestigious law firm. We were proud of her for staying the course despite heartache. Her role at the law firm was cataloging every incoming call to keep track of the attorney’s billable hours. This helped immensely when we needed to obtain the benefits for her grandma’s long-term in-home health care. She called many times, made notes of each person she talked to, and wrote the details of the conversation. She was tenacious, she called eleven times, and each time she spoke to a different person but finally, she got her grandma’s claim approved and the costs were reimbursed.
Doug went to Western Oregon University in Monmouth. It’s known as a teacher’s college. At the parent orientation, the speaker suggested that when your student calls home with a conflict or problem, you should say, “I am confident you will be able to solve that problem.” That way you would be expressing confidence and also allowing your student to come up with the answer on their own, which is a much-needed life skill. When Doug called, we gave the recommended answer.
It was required for all college freshmen to stay in a dorm. You didn’t get to choose your roommate and had to go down the hall to use the shared bathroom and the shower. Doug had to figure out how to deal with guys' bad or annoying habits on his own. The second year in college he and a high school friend rented a very cheap apartment. They thought knew each other well, but there were some surprises. Doug liked to keep the room neat, his roommate, not so much. But Doug survived and these life skills came in handy when he got married.
When Serena or Doug came home for a spring or summer break, they attempted to go back to life the way it was before they left home. I told them I’d leave laundry, cleaning up after themselves, and personal errands to them. That wasn’t my job anymore. Doug graduated with his Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and later, a Master’s degree in Education. Both degrees set him up to be a skilled educator, and entrepreneur with a passion for mentoring and life.
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