Ashland and The Great Divide
Dave’s dad had macular degeneration, a medical condition that results in blurred or fuzzy vision, partial loss of vision, or straight lines appearing bent. His eye doctor was monitoring any decrease in vision but eventually referred him to a clinic in Ashland specializing in its treatment. With Dave’s dad’s declining eyesight and coupled with Dave’s mom’s neck strain, she was nearly immobilized. Obviously, they needed someone to drive them.
Two people were required for each trip, so Serena, Dave, or I took turns in pairs. One morning, before Dave and Serena went to pick up his parents for his dad’s appointment, my day began with a devastating conversation between Dave and me. He said he had been awake in the night trying to figure out how to gently tell me that I had put on weight.
Then he and Serena dropped off Maggie at preschool and picked up his parents to drive to Ashland for the eye clinic appointment. That left me with their three-year-old granddaughter, Lolo. At that age, she was constantly on the move. I followed her from room to room to ensure she wasn’t getting into mischief. She kept me distracted from what Dave had said.
As soon as Dave and Serena got home, I left to talk with my pharmacist to ask if there were any side effects of Trazodone that caused weight gain. He said no. Then I asked Serena if she had noticed I’d gained weight. She said the other day she saw me doing yard work and thought about how trim I was, the polar opposite of what Dave was saying.
The next morning, Dave reiterated his comment, seemingly to emphasize his point. Then he left for work. After he left, I dissolved into tears and couldn’t stop. I thought of Adam and Eve when they discovered they were naked. Like them, I felt uncovered and ashamed. I was reeling and confused; surely, I had gained weight, even if Serena thought I hadn’t. I walked to the church office to see if Wendy had time to see me, but she was busy. However, my counselor, Dr. Wilson, did. I believe it was God, not a coincidence, that he had time to talk with me. When I told him the story, his quick reply was, “Dave is crazy!” He said it was clearly Dave’s problem, not mine.
When Dave got home from work, I was so unbelievably hurt that I couldn’t even talk or look at him. He wondered what was going on with me, so the next morning, he made an appointment to see Dr. Wilson. I don’t know what was said, but when Dave got back home, he was so sorry and asked for my forgiveness. Obviously, his expectations for me to stay trim, coupled with all the messages I had lived with since grade school, came crashing in on me, wave after wave. I was devastated by how he could be so insensitive, especially considering he knew how hard I’d worked to stay slim.
He and I pictured two cliffs, him standing on one side and me on the other, with a great divide in between. After a long time of silence, I finally realized that if I didn’t want to cut Dave out of my life, I had to accept his sincere apology. It took all of me, but I did.
“When all the props are gone, who am I? The bottom line is a worshipper. The basic choice in life is choosing to trust God.” — Grief Observed, C. S. Lewis
Comments